The Muppets First Full-Length Trailer Breaks Down

Your fans never left you, the world hasn't forgotten! Sure it's impossible, but we've got to try. It's time to play the music...

These are the first words that any of us will ever hear Walter speak... and they are the most appropriate things he could possibly say. We have to assume that Walter is talking to a down-trodden Kermit in this moment, reminding him of why he's important. We are the fans that never left, we are part of the reason why the world hasn't forgotten. And with this first official full-length trailer for The Muppets, it's easy for me to see that this film is turning out to be a major love letter to fans like you and me. Keep reading our nearly shot-for-shot breakdown of the trailer below to find out how this love letter is being written.

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0:08 - Check that out! Is that the Muppet Theater? I would think so. It does say "Stage Door" on the sign there. What an awesome looking building that is. Must be a part of the (very decrepit) Muppets Studio. Also, if you listen closely you'll hear a faint, echoing "Mahna Mahna" on this shot.

0:10 - The Electric Mayhem Bus!! How awesome is that? Well... awesome, but unusable. I hope this is part of the big fix-up of the Muppets Studio... also, how the heck are the Mayhem getting around nowadays if the bus is run down?! The power of rock and roll?

0:13 - Aww! Look at the random little suit! It's so little and fun. Must be Kermit's... Couldn't be Animal's. It's too put together.

0:20 - Look at those genuine smiles on both Jason and Amy's faces! They are SO excited to be there and SO genuinely believe in the lyrics they're singing. Brilliant.

0:29 - If you look closely at the boxes behind Kermit and Fozzie, you'll see that they're for "Gonzo's Royal Flush," which we predicted in the first trailer break down. But anyway... I sincerely hope that Kermit and Fozzie are in Gonzo's office in this scene and his office chairs are toilets.

0:30 - WAYNE AND WANDA. We saw Wayne in the previous teaser trailer... but now Wanda is here too. Who would have ever--ever--predicted a return of Wayne and Wanda? I really love this circling shot of all the Muppets. It's gorgeous.

0:34 - I can't explain how much I love that phrase. "This is Their Movie" As in... this isn't Jason Segel's movie, this isn't Amy Adams' movie, this isn't the countless celebrities' movie... it's The Muppets' movie.

0:37 - Miss Piggy is stunning. Not much else to add here... but she is absolutely stunning.

0:39 - Check out who is there with Kermit! Walter, Scooter, and... LINK HOGTHROB. What the what? How big of a role does Link have in this movie? Oh goodness... I love it!!

0:40 - Full-body Fozzie! Adorable. And now I must defend Fozzie's "fart shoes." Complain all you want about the word fart used by a Muppet... because I'll agree with you there. But Fozzie's gag with the whoopie cushions on his shoes is hysterical and the perfect, Muppety contradiction to what Kermit just said. It's funny because it's the kind of "cheap trick" Kermit was talking about. It's almost exactly like Fozzie's cheap 3-D tricks in Muppet*Vision 3-D... except there he didn't say fart so people were okay with it? Also... this type of humor is so very Fozzie Bear. Look at The Muppet Movie. He wore a Groucho-mask and over-sized sunglasses and carried around a rubber chicken and honked a bicycle horn and thought he was the funniest guy around. Our Fozzie Bear would find fart shoes funny, and that's why I enjoy this. It's funny. It's Fozzie. I like it.

0:48 - Whoa. The Moopets. Well... I guess when you go to Reno you don't expect to see the Three Tenors. So, instead you get Fozzie and his Moopets. A punk-looking Janice, a Randy Jackson in armor-looking Rowlf, a biker Kermit, a hip-hop Fozzie, and a frightening pig. My goodness... thank goodness Walter and Jason and Amy decided to reunite the Muppets. I'm scared for poor Fozzie.

0:50 - If you look very closely you can see Janice in the background of this shot wearing the classic purple tuxedos that the band wore throughout The Muppet Show. Also... I think this interaction between Piggy and the biker-pig lady pretty much confirms our early suspicion that the biker pig was Piggy's stand-in until she decided to rejoin the group. And, of course, she rejoined with a karate chop. Lovely.

0:55 - Having trouble figuring out what's going on here? So is everyone else. Based on this screen shot, I can pretty much guess with 95% accuracy that we're looking at the breakdown of Animal's anger management group. How can I tell? Well, for one, that's animal in the far right side of the shot. Two, the woman wearing red, I think, is Kristen Schaal, who has been confirmed to be playing the anger management facilitator. Three... well, what else did you expect to happen in an anger management group with Animal in it?

0:56 - This is the clip in the trailer that consistently makes me laugh out loud. Bobo's "Ow! Ow!" as Tex Richman whacks him with a sword is hysterical. And check out Uncle Deadly hanging out in the background! I love when Uncle Deadly hangs around places!

0:59 - Check out that gate! You can see Kermit's outline on it very clearly, but on the other side if you look closely you can sort of see Miss Piggy's outline as well. This comes clearer in a later shot...

1:08 - While poor Walter is getting electrocuted (that puppet's face is SO flexible!), you can see more of the fence. You can see a bit of Piggy's hair outlined on the fence and the emblem "K&P" in the middle of it. Did Kermit and Piggy live together at one point? Does it stand for Kerfuffle Plutonium? We may never know! (Or, you know, we may know in November.)

1:13 - I don't know what you're doing on that horse, Mister Segel... but it made me laugh, so I'll let it pass.

1:16 - I'm sorry... I just have to quote this. "Maybe you don't need the whole world to love you, ya know? Maybe you just need one person." That's awesome. I just needed to say that. Also... Piggy looks gorgeous again and Kermit is so loving and sincere and caring and Kermity... Amazing.

1:19 - Boy... can that pig tackle. Impressive. Also... let's check out the group that ends up in Miss Piggy's Paris office with Kermit: Animal, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Rowlf, Walter, Gary, and Mary. So... if I had to guess, I'd say that we reunite with Fozzie first, then Gonzo, then Animal, then Scooter or Rowlf, then the other, and then they go looking for Miss Piggy.

1:24 - Sweet Mary Higgins Clark! This is going to be the biggest game of Spot the Muppets yet! Hoo boy... here goes nothing... Lizard, Pepe, Robot, Rizzo, Chicken 1, Scooter, Swedish Chef, Bunsen, Miss Piggy, Link Hogthrob, Blue Frog, Bunny, Robin the Frog, Animal, Fozzie Bear, Floyd Pepper, Walter, Janice, Zoot, Chicken 2, Cactus 1, Purple Frackle, Green (Mo) Frackle, Beautiful Day Monster, Cactus 2, Gorilla 1 (Quongo?), Afghan Hound, Monster with Big Nose, Bug-Thing, Big Mean Carl, Whatnot 1, Pink Frackle, Rowlf, Chicken 3, Nigel the Director, Mutation 1, Whatnot 2, Lew Zealand, Beauregard, Dr. Teeth, Gorilla 2, Gorilla 3, Bobby Benson, Goat, Mutation 2, Luncheon Counter Monster, Behemoth, Sweetums, Marvin Suggs, and Thog. Holy. Crap.

1:26 - What the--MORE?! Here we see Crazy Harry, a sheep, and a closer look... the bug thing has a horn on its face and the monster looking fellow has a long face. Anyone reading know their names?

1:27 - I love inspiring Kermit speeches. In fact, they're one of my very favorite things. Look at that Frog... on those majestic stairs, looking down at all of his friends... believing in them. Believing in us. No matter what anyone says. We believe in him no matter what anyone says, and so do the Muppets... and now look how he returns the favor. Amazing.

1:27 - Some notable things here... well, for one, another sheep, two... I've never seen that goat thing before, and three... including his tuxedo we saw him in in an earlier trailer, that's two outfits for Beautiful Day Monster. Amazing.

1:28 - I love Muppets. That's about all I can convey from this shot. Plus... Droop, Beautiful Day Monster, Marvin Suggs, Bobby Benson, and Wayne and Wanda all involved in (what looks like) a major musical number? Astounding.

1:29 - I can't tell at all where Rowlf is during this shot... some sort of art gallery? But my GOSH do I love it. He's SO happy and Rowlf-y and awesome. Excellent.

1:30 - Animal... is so awesome. What a brilliant shot. And check out Lips! He's back!

1:31 - Look at Walter! Living his dream! I can already tell I'll be rooting for him throughout this whole movie. Also... check out the band pit including a cameo by The Muppet Show's Trumpet Girl!

1:32 - ...Tex Richman is going to be SO much fun.

1:36 - And we've come to my favorite part of the trailer. This shot alone is so reminiscent of the first three Muppet movies it's amazing. A bunch of Muppets crammed in one space? The Studebaker! The plane cargo hatch! The lockers! And now... another car. Watch this scene and pay close attention to Jason's face. He is giddy as a school boy to be sitting in a cramped, presumably hot car with a bunch of furry people. AWESOME and ridiculously funny. Also... WHO is that robot?!

1:50 - GONZO the VERY Great! Look at how excited he is to be throwing a bowling ball at Jason Segel's head to try and knock off a single pin! So. Freaking. Awesome. Classic Gonzo and his facial reactions are priceless... and I'm SO jealous of Segel. As always.

1:54 - The Arches. The symbol of The Muppet Show. Look at those Muppets... look at them all! Let's Spot them, shall we? From top to bottom, left to right... Scooter, Lew Zealand, Bunsen, Penguin 1, Wayne, Whatnot Male, Snowth 1, Mahna Mahna, Snowth 2, Droop, Chicken 1, Penguin 2, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Swedish Chef, Sam Eagle, Crazy Harry, Beauregard, Blue-Green Frackle, Bobby Benson, Link Hogthrob, Beaker, Marvin Suggs, Penguin 3, Whatnot Female 1, Chicken 2, The Muppet Newsman, Dr. Teeth, Miss Piggy, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Whatnot Female 2, Whatnot Female 3, Chicken 3, Beautiful Day Monster, Afghan Hound, Sheep, Wanda, Geri and the Atrics 1, Whatnot Female 4, Whadayasay Bird, Geri and the Atrics 2, Chicken 4.

1:59 - Look at Kermit there! He is totally singing "Rainbow Connection." So. Very. Exciting!

2:07 - There are two things in this world that will always make me smile: bad puns and Muppets dancing. Look at Scooter dancing like mad with those penguins, Link, Strangepork, Wayne, Wanda, and Sweetums! That's incredible! They closed the trailer with Scooter--that's huge! He's going to have a major role, methinks... which is awesome.

That's about it for this trailer... but no matter how much time I spend over-analyzing these trailers for these breakdowns, I always make sure I go back immediately after I'm done and watch it all the way through again, just to witness the magic. Because that's what this trailer has shown us: Muppet magic, returning for the first time in who knows how long. So I'm off to watch the trailer once again, and I suggest you do the same.

Muppet Domination is coming... make your necessary preparations.

The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, muppetmindset@gmail.com