We Know Nothing: DON'T PANIC!

The Newest Muppet Movie Yet

Today I saw The Muppets for the sixth time in the cinema (disguised as an ice cream salesman) because in the UK it is still running in theatres while in the US of A you are all expectantly awaiting the release of the bonus-packed, headless-Gonzo BluRay disk and the more attractive but less full-of-features DVD pack.

When I returned from today’s viewing of the movie, I was more than presently surprised to discover that we should also start expecting a NEW Muppet Movie (the Newest Muppet Movie Yet!)

So, after a quick Google, some blackmail induced information gathering from insiders and going through Jason Segel’s trash (he DOES eat a lot of fish!) I was able to compose a solid list of THE FACTS. Things that we do not know about the Newest Muppet Movie Yet.

- We do not know whether or not this will be a direct sequel to The Muppets.

- We have yet to hear whether Walter’s schedule will allow him to be in the movie (he does have an incredibly busy life as the Muppets #1 Fan {just ask Ryan!})

- No one has confirmed whether this movie will be a Classic Adaption (ala Muppet Christmas Carol) or an original storyline (it's Hollywood, are there any original storylines left there?)

- We do not know whether Lips will be appearing with the rest of the band (The Great Muppet Caper) or not (every other movie).

- Skeeter from Muppet Babies may or may not be appearing.

- We know that Jason Segel will NOT be in the movie. We do not know whether or not Amy Adams will be in the movie, although we can make almost a 50/50 guess that Whoopi Goldberg probably will be.

- We do not know whether the Muppets will be playing themselves in a ‘real life’ story situation (The Muppet Movie) or in more of a movie-story sense (The Great Muppet Caper).

- Lindsay Lohan may or may not be appearing with her twin sister from the movie "Parent Trap".

- It is still unknown as to whether this movie will be the cheapest ever made, as no budget has been confirmed.

- We do not know whether Rizzo, Pepe and Robin will feature heavily (but Robin weighs only 6 ounces, so...).

- No animals will be hurt in the production of this new movie (the same cannot be said for Muppaphones or Singing Food).

- The marketing is not yet set in stone, so we have yet to see whether any Muppets heads/arms/hair will be cropped out of the poster art.

- It has not been stated whether this movie will replace traditional puppetry with Computer Generated Imagery, however we know what Scooter’s opinion on that would be (TED).

- There is no word yet on whether or not Frank Oz will be involved with the making of the movie in any way (directional, consultational, or otherwise).

- No release has yet mentioned whether Kermit and Miss Piggy are/will be/have been married/engaged/together/separated/angsty...but we can assume there will be some romantic undertones (unless the movie turns out to be that “80s Robot Muppets” spinoff that no one is talking about because it doesn’t exist)

- Jane Lynch has not confirmed whether she will be appearing in the as yet untitled Muppet movie.

I am sure there are one or two other details that we have not yet found out about, but we will be sure to keep you informed if and when we realize that we do not know of them.

Until then, do not panic but do instead live in hope of the Muppets amazing new project!

Love as ever,
The British Correspondent






The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, muppetmindset@gmail.com