Book Review: Memoirs of a Muppets Writer by Joseph A. Bailey

 Memoir of a Muppets Writer

by Joseph A. Bailey

$14.95 on Amazon.com

Chase Beecher - Alright Muppet fans, go back and think about The Muppet Show. Remember your favorite sketch. The thing that made you laugh out loud the most. The thing that you find on YouTube at four in the morning when you can't sleep and you need something to make you feel better. The sketch you go watch when you need a Muppet pick-me-up. The sketch you watch when you remember just why you love the Muppets in the first place. Chances are, Joseph A. Bailey had something to do with that.

I had the pleasure of receiving Mr. Bailey's book, Memoirs of a Muppets Writer, for Christmas. I started reading that baby with glee. It talked of explosions, and big yellow birds, and bearded guys with frogs on their hands. But I will get to that. I learned a lot about writing. I learned a lot about working for the Muppets. I learned a lot about Milton Berle. (There is a whole chapter on Mr. Television!)

The book illustrates Mr. Bailey's life and career writing for the Muppets for 20 years. Mr. Bailey begins to take us on a journey from his days as a Mad Man in the 1960's, to working for The Muppet Show and Sesame Street, and learning when Jim Henson passed. Mr. Bailey didn't even want to become a writer. He came from a working class family and got involved in his college newspaper because of a girl. That got him interested in writing (of course). He took some odd jobs, that took him to writing commercials. He wrote commercials and became a Mad Man in advertising until he showed up for work one day and the door was locked. That is one way to be fired.

Mr. Bailey takes us on his journey through writing for commercials to writing for children's shows. He wrote for a show called Jabberwockey, which, turns out, you can follow to Sesame Steet. Winning an award for Jabberwockey gave Bailey the gusto to call up Sesame and get an interview. After writing audition pieces, he was in, and that is where he met the great Jon Stone. Bailey and Mr. Stone forged a great and long lasting friendship, as detailed in the book. I myself, only knew of Jon as "the Godfather" of Sesame Street and the voice of "SC" of the audiobook of "Christmas Eve on Sesame Street" but he is much more than that. There is a great story about Bailey and Jon visiting the Puebla in New Mexico and visiting an elderly Native American woman's home that has to be read to be believed. Mr. Bailey also tells us what Jon did with his 18 Emmys from Sesame. He made a coffee table from them. (I don't think I could put my cup on that!)

We learn a lot about writing and producing Sesame Street. The book not only gives you juicy behind the scenes information, but makes you appreciate the sketches that you know and love, the performers that brought them to you, and the time and effort that go into making them.

The book is also a great love letter to London, England. Mr Bailey writes with great detail what it was like to live there during the heyday of The Muppet Show. I feel like I could give you a weather report after reading the chapter entitled "Surviving London!" We learn the typical workweek of the show and just how crazy it was behind the scenes. Mr. Bailey gives us great stories about what it was like working in tight spaces with the great Don Hinkley and mentions that he is always thinking about writing a play about their days writing together. (note: You should, Joe. You should NOW!) I can only picture the pair writing classic bits like Fozzie on roller skates, while watching the performers on the floor, all the while having Jerry Juhl run in with notes on last weeks script. What a perfect storm.

Mr. Bailey tells a great story about The Swedish Chef. Mr. Bailey wrote the sketch for the Chef about Mexican lobsters. (Remember that one?!) Classic. Well, Jim Henson didn't want to do this sketch. He kept throwing it out of scripts! Jerry Juhl liked it and kept fighting for it until they filmed it and the rest is history. This is just an example of the "inside skinny" you will find in Mr. Bailey's book.

Some of the great "skinny" in this read is on the actual performers themselves. Mr. Bailey has great stories about riding around London  in an old clunker belonging to Richard Hunt. Joe, Richard, and Jerry Nelson would hit the London nightlife after a long week of production on The Muppet Show. Mr. Bailey has a few great stories about the three of them going into pubs and hotel bars and really living high on the hog. (That's a pun!) Richard, in an act of merriment, even saved a young marriage!

So, I mentioned Milton Berle. Berle was very serious about comedy. He was Mr. Television, after all. Mr. Bailey devotes a whole chapter to him. He tells us how much Berle taught him, and everyone at the Muppets, about comedy. He walks us through the "why" things are funny. There is a great story about Dave Goelz dressed as a monster trying to hit Uncle Milton with a powderpuff when he yells "Makeup!" Dave could never seem to hit him in the "funny" spot, so there were several takes. Milton Berle was serious about comedy.

Mr. Bailey has great stories about the guest stars. Zero Mostel put Jerry Juhl in a headlock over a joke. Peter Sellers really did claim to have his personality surgically removed. Julie Andrews had that cow slaughtered right after her episode of The Muppet Show. (Okay, that last one might not be true.) (Note from Ryan: It's not true.)

Another thing Mr. Bailey was heavily involved in was Muppet specials. He wrote, with Jon Stone, Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, one of my favorites, so I read this chapter with glee, learning a lot. He also wrote John Denver and The Muppets: Rocky Mountain Holiday and went on location to Aspen, Colorado with Jim and company to film it. A lot of people ask Mr. Bailey, "How hard can it be to write and film puppets? It's just a hand with a sock on it." He lovingly and exasperatingly explains in the chapter "Aspen, Colorado" how it is more than a sock. It was near impossible to film in Aspen when an early winter came. You will never watch this special the same way when you learn how some of it was filmed in an airplane hangar.

Big Bird was invited to Carnegie Hall to emcee a fundraiser with Bob Hope and his wife starring. Big stars were on the billing. Caroll Spinney agreed to do it under one condition: he had to have his own writer. Joseph A. Bailey was the guy. Mr. Bailey went to production meetings for the live event and had to tell producers and other writers what Big Bird could and couldn't do. Like, that Carol couldn't see through Big Bird's costume. They found that out on their own, though, when Bird almost fell into the orchestra pit! I found this part of Mr. Bailey's book to be a great cross-reference with Mr. Spinney's own autobiography, The Wisdom of Big Bird (and The Dark Genius of Oscar the Grouch).

This book is a great resource to have, and it is an absolute must have for Muppet fans. You will learn how the show came to be, but even more fascinating what didn't. Mr. Bailey even touches upon his writing "Sesame Street Live!" You will learn about his days on both The Muppet Show and Sesame Street. It is a must have for writers. You will learn what it takes to write. (Mr. Bailey gives the best advice he has learned: re-write the Lord's prayer. It works!) Mr. Bailey teaches comedy, even when he's not trying to. He includes a glossary at the back of the book entitled "Everything I learned about writing in 50 years... the hard way." I think every writer needs it on their desk.

The bottom line is, Mr. Bailey's book is hilarious, insightful, juicy, heartwarming, and brought tears to my eye. Mr. Bailey stated more than once that writing Memoirs of a Muppets Writer was the most difficult thing in the world to write. I don't think I am alone in saying I am glad you did, Mr. Bailey. Viva Rameau!

Be sure to check out The Muppet Mindset's interview with Joe Bailey for even more information and great words from a great man!






The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, ryguy102390@gmail.com

Interview with Muppet Writer Joseph Bailey

Interview with Joseph Bailey

Conducted by Ryan Dosier

RYAN:   We’re very excited today to welcome longtime Muppet writer Joseph Bailey onto The Muppet Mindset! Joe is here to promote his book, Memoirs of a Muppets Writer. Joe has worked on Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, along with numerous albums, songs, and stage shows. But who better to hear it from than the man himself, Mister Joseph Bailey! Welcome to The Muppet Mindset, Joe!

BAILEY:   Thanks, Ryan.

RYAN:   I’m sure you discuss this in the book, but could you give us a brief synopsis of how you first got involved with Jim Henson and the Muppets?

BAILEY:   Well, that is in the book. I started my writing career as an advertising copywriter. I was actually a Mad Man in the 1960s with a closet full of continental suits and an office on Madison Avenue. Some time around 1970, the agency I was working for went out of business. We found that out one Monday morning when the staff showed up for work and the door was locked.  Since advertising was in a slump, I made ends meet by tending bar and working on commercial film sets--a lot of my friends were in film and theatre.

One day I got a call from a woman in that crowd. She had gotten a job in Boston producing a children's show called, Jabberwocky and she needed writers. I wrote some audition material and they assigned me a script. Over the next couple of years I wrote about 50 scripts for Jabberwocky. But then the show ran its course and went out of production. (In the name of disclosure, I should tell you I eventually married that woman and she still thinks I’m a pretty good writer.)

Not knowing what else to do, I called Sesame Street, talked my way past the switchboard and got an interview with Bob Cunniff, who was then the show's producer. I wrote some audition material for Bob and was hired by Jon Stone, then Sesame Street’s Executive Producer.

RYAN:   What was the first major project you worked on?

BAILEY:   I was signed first to a four script contract. So, I would have to say my first project was Sesame Street Show Number 571. Later, I was signed to a season contract.


RYAN:   Who were some of the other writers that you enjoyed working with?

BAILEY:   Well, Jon Stone was also the Head Writer when I joined Sesame Street and he also directed most of it. Later on, I wrote for Norman Styles when he became the Head Writer. But, unlike many shows today, Sesame Street wasn't written by committee. A writer was assigned a script for a particular day's show, and he or she was responsible  for the entire show script. So, although there were many fine writers on the staff, like Emily Pearl Kingsley or Ray Sipherd, we didn't actually work together. Eventually, I did co-write a lot of stuff with Jon.

RYAN:   What about the Muppet performers? Did you get to work closely with any of them?

BAILEY:   Sure. The first four seasons I worked on Sesame Street, I wrote about 20 scripts a season. And, I made it a point to be in the studio whenever anything I wrote was being shot. So, I got to know the original Muppet guys from those years pretty well. I consider Carroll Spinney, Jerry Nelson, and Frank Oz to be close friends, as I did with Richard Hunt and, of course, Jim. Dave Goelz and I became friends when I joined The Muppet Show in 1977. Since Jerry and Richard also worked The Muppet Show, we spent a lot of time together in London.

RYAN:   Many of the writers I’ve talked to always have favorite Muppets to write for. Which characters did you most enjoy writing for on The Muppet Show?

BAILEY:   Since I'm probably an anarchist at heart, I always got a kick out of writing for Animal. I also have a soft spot in my head for Dave Goelz’s Gonzo. I wrote the Swedish Chef/lobster bit as part of my Muppet Show audition material. Of course, Piggy and Kermit's relationship was a constant source of material.

RYAN:   What about Sesame Street?

BAILEY:   Since Carroll Spinney, who plays Big Bird and Oscar, was available every day on Sesame Street, I wrote a lot of material for his characters. Carroll, quite simply, is a genius. I also liked writing for Cookie. Carroll once told me that when you create a puppet, you indicate how intelligent it is by how much cranium you give it. Big Bird has a pretty good sized brain. Of course, it is made of feathers. Cookie has no cranium at all. He's a mouth with eyes. He's pure id. I used him to show the kids that we were on their side--that they weren't the only ones who occasionally have an attack of, I gotta, gotta, gotta have it right now, now, now! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

RYAN:   One of my personal favorite Christmas specials of all-time is Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. What was the best part of working on that special?

BAILEY:   Not to bring it up again, but Christmas Eve takes up a whole chapter in the book. Jon Stone was Sesame Street in those days, He was my co-writer on the special. But he was also the Executive Producer and the Director. So, Jon had a lot of visuals in his head that he didn’t put into the script. He didn’t have to. So, a lot of the show was a surprise to me when I first saw it screened.

I was at the skating rink when we shot the opening. But I had no idea how beautifully it would turn out, including Oscar's never-ending fall/crash down the stairs. A bit of inside skinny--When Big Bird asks Oscar if he's okay, my original line was: "Sure. I've been thrown out of better places than that." I guess Jon considered it to be too adult, so the "Let's go back and do it, again!" line was dubbed in later.

I also wasn't around when he shot the interviews with the Muppets and the kids about how Santa gets down the chimney. That was pure magic. The "Keep Christmas With You" sign language song was also a surprise. Most of the main story line was written in collaboration. Most of the "heart" was Jon. I wrote the Cookie-writing-to-Santa scenes. When Cookie gets Santa on the phone, it's Jon Stone doing Santa's voice. Most people don't know that I wrote the Bert and Ernie/Gift of the Magi sequence for a Christmas album several years earlier.

I was just at a screening of Christmas Eve at the Museum of the Moving Image. It was great to see it on a big screen in front of a live audience. But it's a little weird to hear people finally laugh at jokes you wrote over 30 years ago. It was also bitter-sweet since so many people on the show are gone now.

RYAN:   You worked on quite a few Sesame Street music albums as well. Can you talk to us about the process that goes into working on an album for the show?

BAILEY:   Well, the Bert and Ernie/Magi sequence was instigated in a record meeting when Jim said, "Let's do something on the Gift of the Magi." That was how Jim worked. He'd  throw out a rough suggestion and let you run with it.

The Bert and Ernie SING-ALONG album just started with an idea from Jon Stone to do, well, a sing-along.  I was watching a lot of the Marx Brothers in those days. So, an idea hit me to do a riff on the state room scene from A Night at the Opera. It started with Bert singing in the bathtub. Ernie hears him and decides the bathroom is a great place to sing because of the acoustics. So, he joins Bert in the bathroom--with his piano. As the album goes along, more and more of the people and Muppet cast come in and sing along--some with instruments, like a bass fiddle and some by motorcycle like Herry Monster. Since a record album is basically a radio show, I could make it as outrageous as I wanted. And then, Jon liked it so much we did a video version of it on Sesame Street. That was quite a production!

RYAN:   One of the other challenging aspects of writing for The Muppet Show was writing for the various guest stars on the show. How much input did the various stars have on the material written for them?

BAILEY:   Jim Henson was a very cordial man and that cordiality permeated The Muppet Show. So, before we started a script, Head Writer, Jerry Juhl, would call the guest star and ask them what they wanted to do. Usually the singers wanted to sing and the dancers wanted to dance. But Beverly Sills, the opera star, said she wanted to tap dance and sing a Country and Western song. We were happy to accommodate her.

Usually, there was a one-on-one interview with Kermit and the guest star. But when Peter Sellers saw the interview in his script, he asked what character he would be playing. When he was told to just use his own personality, he said he couldn't. He said he once had a personality but he’d had it surgically removed.

Finally, I guess Jim and Rudolf Nureyev dreamed up the idea of Nureyev dancing with a pig, in the famous Swine Lake ballet. Writers love music and dance numbers. It's three or four minutes we don't have to write. So, I wrote, "RUDOLF DANCES WITH A PIG," and continued writing the script. Jerry Juhl called me into his office and said we couldn't give the great Rudolf Nureyev a script that just said, "RUDOLF DANCES WITH A PIG." We needed a page and a half of "something."   

I went back to my office and realized that I was supposed to create choreography for the great Rudolf Nureyev–Not exactly my strong suit. My inspiration finally came with the word, "perhaps." Perhaps the pig can lift Mr. Nureyev. Or,  perhaps Mr Nureyev can throw the pig in the air and, perhaps the pig can land on him and knock him on his keister. I stretched that out for a page and a half.  

RYAN:   Any favorite guest stars to work with?

BAILEY:   Well, Bob Hope said some really nice things about The Muppet Show writing staff. Gotta love him for that! Jaye P. Morgan said she would do anything with a Muppet. All Elton John could talk about was his soccer team, Watford. One day after rehearsal, Edgar Bergen did about an hour’s private performance for us with all his characters. I remember Jim and the crew were sprawled on the floor like a bunch of 12-year-olds watching television. And, working with Milton Berle was like a crash course in comedy. I devoted a whole chapter in the book about working with him.     

Zero Mostel came into the script read-through bent over with a cane. It was painful to watch him walk. He looked like a very old man on his last legs. I  remember worrying if he’d live through the show. Half way through the script, he asked for a line change. Jerry Juhl said we’d look at it later. Zero asked again and Jerry put him off. Zero asked again, a little more insistently. This happened a few more times. Suddenly, with a great roar, Zero leaped to his feet, threw his cane in one direction and his chair in the other. He raced around the table and threw a hammer lock on poor Jerry. "I want that line changed!" Zero hissed at Jerry. Needless to say, Jerry changed the line right then and there.

RYAN:   What is your favorite memory of working on The Muppet Show?

BAILEY:   Wow! That’s like asking a parent, "Who's your favorite kid?" But a few come to mind: Kermit playing a lady wrestler in drag; Fozzie doing his act on rollerskates; Gonzo jumping a motorcycle from the stage into the Statler and Waldorf’s box; and Piggy’s aerobic lesson. But, I’d also have to say it was the dedication pf the puppet builders and the cast to bring my humble scribblings to life. I mean, my scripts called for thinks like moose puppets, Japanese pole vaulters, and chicken cowboys. Whatever it was, the shop would go right to work on them. The finished character was usually better than I ever imagined. And then, the performances–Jim, Frank and the rest of the guys working so hard on every sketch. Nobody ever made a writer look better than the Muppets did.

RYAN:   What is your favorite memory of working on Sesame Street?

BAILEY:  Again, the favorite kid question. Not to sound corny– well, okay–it was a privilege to use whatever talent I have to do some good in the world. But it’s a lot of little things that come to mind. I remember the first time I saw the Street set. I had never seen a whole street in a studio. I remember Jerry Nelson doing my voice while playing Oscar’s cousin. I remember tricking Oscar into saying, "party," and the whole cast going into his trash can to party. The rest of the script was a radio show from inside the can while they kept sending Oscar out for ice and soda.

I remember being on location in Taos, New Mexico. One cold, rainy day Jon and I were scouting locations in the Indian pueblo. A beautiful Indian woman who thought we were trespassing ran us out before we could explain who we were. I rewrote the script so that Big Bird had trepidations about going to the pueblo. But the cast explained to him that it was just somebody’s home and you behave the way you do in anyone’s home--politely and respectfully. After we wrapped, that same Indian woman invited us up into her own pueblo apartment as her guests. We had to climb up two or three stories on outside ladders to get to it. And Jon hated heights.

RYAN:   What was it like working with Jim Henson?

BAILEY:   Jim, personally, was a very decent and fair man. So, doing business with the Muppets was always a pleasure. Of course, Jim was a great performer, director and creator. But he had another rare quality that, as a writer, I really appreciated: Jim was a great producer. Most people think producers just raise money and take starlets to lunch. But the good ones have the imagination to actually see the performance in their heads as they read the script. Jim, and Jon Stone, could see every creative possibility in a script and then add a few more.

I always described writing for the Muppets as loading a blunderbuss, handing it to Jim and the Muppets, and then making sure there was a barn door in the vicinity. They never missed. But, they didn’t always hit the side of the barn door you expected.

RYAN:   Finally, Joe, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

BAILEY:   Sure. Second star on the right and straight on 'til morning!

Thanks so very much to Joe Bailey for doing an interview with us. I encourage every Muppet fan out there to order Joe’s book, Memoirs of a Muppets Writer, for some fantastic behind the scenes stories, insight from the mind of a writer, and much more.






The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, ryguy102390@gmail.com

News Update: December 16, 2011

NEWS UPDATE: December 16, 2011

For the past few months, the Muppets have been the major darlings of Entertainment Weekly magazine. The Muppet Show cast reunited, the first image from The Muppets (and Walter) were revealed, and Kermit graced the cover of the magazine all in this past year alone. Well, the love for the Muppets continues in this week's issue, Entertainment Weekly's "Best and Worst of 2011" issue. As you can see at right, Kermit and Miss Piggy are very prominent on the cover of the issue out this week--right alongside George Clooney, Harry Potter, and all of the other prominent features in pop culture this year.You can read all about the issue on Entertainment Weekly's website, and you can find it on newsstands everywhere now!

One of the favorite props in The Muppet Movie is Fozzie Bear's Studebaker (well, technically his uncle's Studebaker)--a bear's natural habitat, obviously. Well, unfortunately, the Studebaker used in the film is in need of some serious repairs, as outlined by local ABC affiliate where the Studebaker Museum is located. The repair costs are in the upwards of $40,000... and it would be a crying shame to see Fozzie's Studebaker fall into complete disrepair. The Museum's website features an "Adopt-A-Car Program" with a wide range of donation options for adopting one of the Studebakers. Perhaps a generous and well-off Muppet fan might have the means to the end of fixing this true legend of a car.

A brand new, must-have book has been released recently for Muppet fans written by longtime Muppet writer and veteran of Sesame Street and The Muppet Show, Joseph A. Bailey. The book is called Memoirs of a Muppet Writer and is available on Amazon now for only $15. Below is an excerpt from the official description of the book!

"In his 20 year affiliation with Jim Henson's Muppets Joseph A. Bailey was a staff writer on both Sesame Street and The Muppet Show. He also co-wrote the television specials Big Bird in China, Christmas Eve on Sesame Street and Rocky Mountain Holiday, starring John Denver and the Muppets on location in Aspen, Colorado. Additionally, Mr. Bailey wrote Sesame Street song lyrics, albums, five 90-minute Sesame Street Live! musicals, Muppet Business Meeting Films and special material for Big Bird's appearances in the White House and Carnegie Hall. The Muppet Show guest stars he wrote for include George Burns, Bob Hope, Steve Martin, Rudolf Nureyev, John Cleese, Milton Berle and Peter Sellers. For his writing, Mr. Bailey has garnered 5 Emmys, 3 Emmy nominations, a Writers Guild of America Award and a George Foster Peabody Award. Mr. Bailey lives in Manhattan with his wife, Gail. He indulges in occasional long-distance motorcycle trips and claims to speak French and play piano to the equal amusement of others."

Remember when Walter rocked Late Night with Jimmy Fallon alongside Jason Segel a few weeks ago? Well, Walter is back in an exclusive video from backstage on NBC as everyone's favorite new Muppet checks out the legendary Muppet Pipes in a closet in a guest room painted by Jim Henson, Frank Oz, and Jerry Juhl. It's truly amazing to see old Muppet history meeting new Muppet greatness. Check out the video below!



This past Wednesday, Archaia Comics released a brand new comic book from a screenplay by Jim Henson and Jerry Juhl, Jim Henson's The Tale of Sand with illustrations by Ramon Perez. I have yet to pick up the comic, but it's on my "Must-Do-Immediately" list. BleedingCool.com has a great look at a really cool edition of the comic where they talk a lot about how great the comic is and what a wonderful tribute it is to both Jim and Jerry. Be sure to pick up your copy of The Tale of Sand as soon as you can!

Our good friends at WeLoveFine T-Shirts have released a whole horde of fantastic shirts featuring The Muppets and Sesame Street characters, including the winners of their recent Muppet t-shirt design contest. But the highlights recently are various 8-Bit designs that pit the characters in pixelated forms, a la the classic video games of the 1980s. There's a great one with the Muppets (see at right), Sesame Street, and featuring Bert and Ernie in Super Mario Bros.-esque poses. I've got to get at least one of these... now the only problem is figuring out which one!

Finally, Amazon.com has released images and slight details on the Blu-ray and DVD release of The Muppets. No official release date has been given yet, but rumors of a March 20, 2012 release are abounding around the internet. There are four different versions of the movie that will be made available on Blu-ray and DVD next Spring. First up is the Three-Disc Blu-ray "Wocka Wocka Value Pack" featuring the Blu-ray, DVD, and Digital Copy, as well as the Soundtrack. Next is the Blu-ray/DVD Combo Pack featuring the Blu-ray and DVD. Then, the Single-Disc DVD with the Soundtrack. And, lastly, only the DVD, whose cover art is not confirmed yet. I don't know about you, but I'm not thrilled with the cover art on any version... but I'll just be excited to own the movie on Blu-ray and DVD the day it's available (if not before) (I don't know how that would work, but whatever).






The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, ryguy102390@gmail.com