How To... Enjoy a Hotel Stay

The Muppet Mindset Precariously Presents:

How To...

Enjoy a Hotel Stay

Maxwell Jessop - Well folks, it's January once again. The first month of the year. When people return to work and vacations begin to die down. Of course, that doesn't stop me, because today I'm going to show you people just how to enjoy a relaxing hotel stay. This'll really come in handy, I think... then again, I did base it off my stay at that ratty hotel... Nevertheless, here it is...

1. First, begin by checking in. This is a very simple step, you might think, but can be the most exciting one. Enjoy the hotel lobby, usually decorated to look quite unique or fancy. After taking in the surroundings, greet the check-in person, choose a standard payment (i.e., credit card, cash, or sneak out in the middle of the night), and make your way to your temporary home.
2. After unpacking your whoopee cushion, yo-yo, and other items, break in the room a bit. Lay on your bed. Look out your window. Sit down and watch TV... if your hotel has one, that is.
3. After step two, however, be sure to stay safe around your room. Critters and pests tend to sneak their way to an inn every now and again. Nothing too big to worry about, really. Just try and keep a wary eye out for bugs. Don't mind the rats, though, they're just there for the luggage.
4. Enjoy the free services of the hotel. Choose some food from room service. If you find the hotel does not have room service, ask the hotel's chef personally for his best dish. (Tip, watch out for steering wheel soufflé, it'll make your stomach turn).
5. Explore the rest of the hotel. Take another stroll through the lobby and possibly meet with another one of the hotel's guests and have a conversation. Just stay safe when doing so (so you should probably stay away from the crazy one with excessive red hair).
6. (Optional) Document your stay. Another common way people enjoy their hotel stay is to take pictures and write about their day. Photography can be a nice activity, but it's not for everyone. Especially those who don't have to complete a photographic essay on kneecaps.
7. If you're staying somewhere interesting, explore the city. Possibly see a local landmark, take a hot air balloon ride, or go to a Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery. (Renoir!)
8. Finally, after following these seven steps or possibly adding in one of your own, hop in your bed to rest a spell and ready yourself for the next day. Actually, try not to hop, those old Murphy beds have a tendency to spring up.

DISCLAIMER: The Muppet Mindset is not liable for pain, injury, and disappointment when using this How To... Actually, we here at the Muppet Mindset disagree with most of these steps (we say most because we really do love steering wheel soufflé, it's our guilty pleasure) and discourage you from using this How To... We also do not have the rights to the Happiness Hotel and its descriptions (the Happiness Hotel itself probably doesn't either, though). We're really just covering our bases, at this point, to be honest. We just cannot be sued. Our new lawyer is Ryan's pet bird, Randy, and we've slowly discovered that all birds are not as smart as Big Bird. Randy just poops all over the place and repeats things we say. We're really desperate when it comes to lawyers. So yeah... just don't sue us!

The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, muppetmindset@gmail.com